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APRIL 2008
Dear Members
This month is a particularly sad month for Headway because we have to say ‘goodbye’ to Eric Delmont. He is retiring at the end of April because of health reasons.
In May 1997 Eric was running a very successful and sought after catering business and was living ‘the high life’ as he puts it. Everything suddenly changed when it was discovered that he had a brain tumour. During the complicated operation to remove the tumour he suffered multiple strokes and it was touch and go as to whether he would actually live or die. Fortunately for all of us he lived. However, he came out of that terrible experience a different person; he was now considered a ‘brain injured person’. Various personal tragedies also happened at this time and Eric was admitted to Tara Hospital having tried to take his own life. This is where June Cruickshanks (our chairman) found him and persuaded him to get involved with Headway. The rest is history! Eric has made his mark on so many people – we all know his compassion, his empathy and sympathy know no bounds. He is also the most charismatic of men. He is the only person I know that can say “Hello my darling” to a myriad of women and mean it so sincerely! He loves and cares for everyone, and the feeling is mutual.
Eric has taken Headway to new heights during the nine years he has been with us. The HFC (which took the place of our failing Saturday afternoon meetings) has become a vibrant group under his leadership. This not only provides information from guest speakers but is also a safe social haven for brain injured people and their families. It is a place where they can feel at home and discuss their problems with other families. I am always overwhelmed when I attend HFC and feel the love that surrounds everyone. The counselling service has also grown. Eric started off on his own bat calling all our members on a regular basis. At this time our membership was approximately 50 families. Now it is over 250 families and Eric is in charge of a team of volunteers who take care of this essential service. However, Eric spends a lot of time counselling new members before passing them on. Eric also helps me with all the nitty gritty administrative work, sending out members’ accounts, liaising with the bookkeeper, keeping check of the bank statements and a million other things that crop up on a daily basis. Unfortunately all this has taken its toll on a man who was frail to begin with, and we understand that Eric needs to go for his own sake. Tributes have been pouring in for this man who has meant so much to so many people and I know that he will be sadly missed by all of us. However, we must respect his wishes and we hope that he will be able to relax, enjoy his retirement and regain his strength. I know that there are plans in the pipeline for him to finish the book that he started writing about his life, and perhaps there will be one about Headway too! God Speed, Eric and thank you for everything that you have done for Headway and all its members.
FEEDBACK FROM TALK BY BRIAN MALLINSON:
Brian Mallinson, a well known neuropsychologist, was the guest speaker at our Support Group meeting in February.
He said that of all the challenges facing a survivor of brain injury, building up of the person's self-esteem and confidence was the most difficult. He has learned this through many years of dealing with brain injured people. Rehabilitation will help the person to improve mostly on a physical level, but to rebuild a person's emotional life and feeling of self worth is a longer process. One of the problems is that there is not enough neuropsychology being taught, which means that even qualified professionals have particular challenges of their own when dealing with brain injured clients.
After the injury, depression almost invariably follows; people feel sorry for themselves, they stop wanting to do things and feel a lack of accomplishment. Relationships and friendships are under pressure and all this has an impact on self-image. In some cases, medication will help the person to become more positive and build up a better self image.
Brian gave an amazing example of how positive thinking and determination could overcome even the most extreme obstacles. His friend Bruce, a former client, sustained severe spinal injury leaving him wheelchair bound. An operation on his spine left him severely brain damaged and paralyzed from the neck down. Bruce, however, simply refused to give up on life. He battled, and succeeded, to have the curatorship over his affairs lifted so that he could look after himself. One day his son complained about the quality of the hamburger patties at school. Bruce offered to make them and subsequently started to supply the school.
Bruce then taught himself the skill of rapidly reading security videotapes. This was so successful that he began to train others to do it. Things did not end there. He took up archery and will travel this year to Beijing for the Paralympics. The archery has taught him breath control and his speech has dramatically improved.
Brian said that this is real rehabilitation. There are a lot of things Bruce still cannot do, but he is living a fulfilled life and that was what Brian believes can change lives. It depends largely on attitude, especially towards yourself. A positive attitude was more likely to overcome difficulties and in this way we could all have fulfilling lives.
How do we get there? Tips from Brian:
- Set realistic targets. It's all very well saying "I can do it" but we need to be realistic. If we set ourselves up for failure by setting our targets too high, it destroys our confidence. Set small goals that are more achievable. Nothing succeeds like success.
- Carers can have a huge influence on self-esteem. They tend to focus on how the person was before the injury, in order to ‘regain’ that person. They must be made aware that this might not happen. They must learn to accept who the injured person is right now.
- Spend time with positive people. Come to Headway and be encouraged! Remember, also, that loneliness affects self-image.
- Develop self-awareness. Sometimes you may be unaware of how you look or act. Think about how you come across to other people. Turf out negative thoughts with the garbage.
- Take up a hobby you enjoy. It will give you a feeling of success.
- Work to the concept of "error-free" learning". If you do something wrong, you tend to do it wrong again, so avoid making the mistake in the first place. Similarly, if you're unsure about what to say, don't say it!
- Develop persistence. Don't give up easily.
- Do what you can to live a healthy lifestyle. Eat healthily and exercise regularly. Lethargy puts you off from doing things.
- Take advantage of opportunities which come along; even though you may be going through a negative phase, grasp them!
Thank you Brian for such an inspiring talk. This advice does not only apply to brain injured people – all of us can take heed in order to improve our lives.
Thank you Glenda for taking the notes at the meeting.
ANNIVERSARIES OF ACCIDENT/ILLNESS:
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” Goethe.
The following people have anniversaries this month -
Trace Burns 2004 Natalie Jägers 2000
Janet Coe 1993 Reinforce Kgomo 2000
Tony Currin 2006 Metsing Malebo 2006
Graham de Kock 2007 Tamara Nordin 1999
Darryl Fenn 1991 Julia Rogerson 2006
Thandi Hildebrand 1999 Fine Shepherd Rothman 1998
Gert Jansen Van Rensburg 1995 Michael Thomas 1995
Johan Vermeulen 2007
NEW MEMBERS:
Welcome to the following new members to the Headway fold. As always we hope that we will be able to assist them with advice and friendship –
Lothar and Marion Martin, Trudi and Werner Bolinski, Neil and Carey Dougall, Steven Gray and Alison Scarr-Kuny.
GET WELL SOON:
Quite a few members and volunteers have not been well this month. We send special get well wishes to Charles McRobert, Mike Morton and Siegrid Thiessen. We are pleased that Gail Verdonck’s cataract operation has been a success.
QUESTIONNAIRE:
Thank you to all those members who have filled in the questionnaire and returned them to us. We are really pleased with the response and are hoping that everyone who received one will be sending it back – so please try and make a plan if you haven’t yet done so. We did ask that this questionnaire be returned to us by the end of May and after that date we will be able to report back on exactly what you think of us as an organisation. Really valuable ideas and comments have come through already, and all these will help us to improve our service to you.
Most of the comments have been positive. However, we have received some negative comments one of which is as follows-“My view of Headway is – staff should be more active themselves in promoting Headway in order to raise funds. At present they adopt a kind of 9-5 job and that is it! They are quick to hold out hands for funds – surely they should be in the forefront to spread the word about Headway? This way they need not rely on corporate assistance. I dare you to print this in your next newsletter.” Never having been one to resist taking on a dare I was quite happy to put it in the newsletter and would also appreciate feedback on this particular issue. The staff at Headway at the moment consists of myself (Ann), Eric, The team of 3 therapists (Jackie, Michele and Karyn), Gloria (our domestic helper), Thembela who runs the Outreach Programme in Alexandra and her assistant Mapule.
THANKS FOR DONATIONS:
A big thank you to the Free Masons, Corona Lodge, who gave us a generous donation of R10 000. We would also like to thank the Amery-Behr family in Scotland (friends of the Gevers) who raised R6000 for Headway through holding musical evenings. They are also involved with the Sandringham Trust who donated £1000. This money will be used to buy a ‘Thera-Cycle’ which will be very useful as a further rehabilitation tool for our attendees. It is wonderful to think that a group of people so far away from Gauteng would have our interests at heart.
We would like to thank all those members and volunteers who continue to support us by donating biscuits and groceries on a regular basis. We go through a huge amount of photocopy paper, and a donation of paper would be really appreciated.
MEDICALERT BRACLETS:
We are now keeping these bracelets at Headway and have men’s and ladies’ sizes in stock. Please contact me on (011)442-5733 if you would like to buy one. The cost is R87 for a stainless steel bracelet. We feel that anyone who is on specific medication or suffers from seizures should wear one.
BACKABUDDY:
Peiser and Associates have launched an innovative new fundraising tool called ‘Backabuddy’ which enables competition-mad South Africans to sponsor friends competing in sports events by donating on-line to a charity or cause. So if you or any of your friends run, cycle, swim etc you can become Headway’s champion/buddy by putting your information on the Backabuddy website and selecting an event in which you are participating. You then circularise all your contacts/friends and ask them to sponsor you for this event via Backabuddy. This enables you to raise money for Headway. Some major events coming up are Comrades Marathon, Pick n’ Pay 94.7 Cycle Challenge and Discovery 702 Walk the Talk. The Backabuddy website is www.backabuddy.co.za
ACSA DISABILITY 2008 – CONFERENCE AND EXPO:
ACSA Disability 2008 Conference and Expo takes place from Thursday 11th September to Saturday 13th September at Gallagher Estate in Midrand. The event is committed to improving the lives of those with developmental and physical disabilities, their families, care-givers and professionals who work with them. At this year’s event you will be able to visit over 100 exhibitors of products and services aimed at the disabled, meet with a number of disability associations and organisations working in the disability sector (including Headway), learn about the latest developments in technology to assist PWDs, and participate in/watch a number of lifestyle activities. It would really be worth your while to visit this Expo and entrance is free.
CAREGIVER LOOKING FOR A JOB:
Miranda, an experienced caregiver is looking for a job. Phone Miranda on 073 456-2386. Miranda has been associated with Headway and is reliable and capable. For a reference please phone Hester on 082 441-2460.
WHEELCHAIR FOR SALE:
Brand new wheelchair for sale. It is small and lightweight. Contact Mrs Kerwin on 072 445-0248 for more information.
SMALLER FUNDRAISING INITIATIVES:
Mondi Bin:
Some of you may not know that we have a Mondi Bin at Headway, which does raise money for Headway, and helps the environment as well. Thank you to all those who bring in all their old magazines, books, newspapers and cardboard.
Cartridge Recycling:
We collect used printer cartridges which are recycled and sold with some of the profits coming to Headway. This is a ‘green’ initiative which can be supported by just about everyone, as I am sure most of us have computers at home or in the office.
My School Card:
If you have not as yet got a “My School” card with Headway as the beneficiary now’s your chance! We still have forms here at Headway. Please contact the office and we will send you one. Every time you purchase something at Woolworths and other participating outlets, and swipe your card, a percentage of your spend will come to Headway.
Headway Tins:
We have just got a new supply of Headway Tins which you can put in your favourite supermarket, or even keep at home for your loose change. Call in at our office – 85 1st Road, Hyde Park and we will happily give you a tin.
NEXT MEETING:
The next Friendship Circle Meeting will be held on 15th May 2008 at 6 pm at 85 1st Road, Hyde Park. Members, their friends and family are all welcome to attend. A light supper will be served at the conclusion of the meeting.
---ooo0ooo---
Editor and Compiler – Annie Coe.
Thought for the day: God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
I do hope all the moms who are reading this newsletter will have a very good Mother’s Day on 11th May.
In the last newsletter I printed something amusing regarding mothers so this month I thought I would be a bit more serious.
I am Invisible
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.’ I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fuelled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM! Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know ..... I just did.
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