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July 2008

Dear Members

Headway would like to welcome two new members of staff to our Hyde Park Office.  Dawn Malotane-Lindsey is our new General Manager and Talita Da Costa who is a psychologist will be in charge of our counselling team and will also run the HFC groups.  We hope that their association with us will be a long and happy one.

FEEDBACK FROM MEETING ON 15TH MAY - ALISON ON COMMUNICATION, PART II:
Alison Gitleson was the guest speaker at this meeting.  As her exercise on communication last year had been a resounding success she gladly accepted requests to continue to deal with this vital topic.  In a new exercise of communication awareness people were asked to form small groups to discuss how well communication was understood by those it was meant to reach. In other words, it was all very well initiating communication, but how about response?  How do we ensure that what we communicate is fully understood by the person we communicate with?  This was particularly relevant in brain injury, where cognition might be impaired.  It was vital that the message we intend to get through to the other person is understood by that person in the same context. 

From the various group discussions, we learned about forms of communication. This was by speech, body language, eye contact, facial expression or in written form, such as in letters, SMS or e-mail. In some cases, communication was made using pictures (including video), sign language or written signs, or through music (lyrics).  The next important thing was to ascertain what the communicator wants to achieve by communication, perhaps making use of a personal style such as drawing up lists or pictures. 

The purpose of communication was to inform, or thank someone, to get a message across – sometimes in a creative or factual way, to express a point of view that another person would be able to understand. We may also communicate to obtain information, as a form of socializing, or sharing thoughts or feelings. No matter what the method, however, if the response is not appropriate, we would need to evaluate why the communication did not have the desired effect or response.  It boils down to asking ourselves the question:  “How can I improve my understanding of the other person, or get them to understand me better?”

This, according to the different groups, was possible by –

• improving our listening skills.  Try not to interrupt the other person unnecessarily, but understand if a brain injured person, in particular, needs to say something immediately out of fear of forgetting what they want to say.
• reflecting, or "reflective listening" – have I understood you correctly? This was tremendously important when there is a problem that needs to be resolved between the parties.
• accept that the other person's style (especially where it may be a cultural thing) may be different, but don't resist what they're trying to say to you.
• ask questions = active listening.  Get more clarity (notably without interrupting) if you do not understand.  It is important to ask appropriate questions, but avoid changing the topic. Remember that by not asking questions, the impression may be that you're no longer listening.
• keep things quieter.  Avoid shouting and having to compete for "voice space."
• be patient.
• use, or take note of, body language. How people sit, or move can give away a lot about how they're feeling about themselves or about you.  Be aware of it.
• tone of voice was an important factor in effective communication. Voice tone is often misinterpreted and could be modified for easier understanding.
• pay attention to what the other person is saying.
• use language that is appropriate. There is little use in using words another person may not understand, or may find offensive.
• slow down, especially when conveying important information such as telephone numbers.
• be clear, not blurred. Repeat things that are important.
• use touch – appropriately, of course. This could help to convey warmth or emotion

Alison also spoke of auditory, visual and kinaesthetic people. The first group use and understand language that uses auditory terms eg “I hear you”, the second, visual language eg “I see your point” whilst the third group work with feeling words eg “My gut feel is…”

What we learned from this exercise was that communication was a vital key to harmonious relationships.  If communication could be improved, then the chances for disagreement, break-ups and major misunderstandings could be reduced.

We thank Alison for helping us to improve our communication skills and hope that she will be able to continue with this exercise at another meeting.

FEEDBACK FROM THE MEETING HELD ON 10TH JULY 2008:
Marina Herold was the guest speaker at this meeting and she spoke about OT PC Access Therapy as follows –

Computers are and will continue to remain the future.  Technology is the way forward which affects our daily living in many ways.  This being the case it is perhaps inevitable that computers will infiltrate into the treatment and rehabilitation programmes of people with brain injuries.  The challenge for therapists is to be aware of current technology and determine if and when PC access therapy could be beneficial to their clients.  A client who may benefit, for example, would be a young person with cognitive impairments including memory, organization, planning and scheduling difficulties who might perhaps be returning to the work force or a volunteer position and is comfortable using a desktop computer and accepting new technology.

Marina said that PC Access Therapy is relatively new in South Africa and access to PC programmes and equipment is limited.  Factors contributing to these limitations may be –

• Lack of resource information
• Lack of institutional or supervisor expertise and support
• No mentors
• High costs

Brain Injured people would benefit from incorporating this therapy within their ongoing treatment, as its aim is to open doors for people facing challenges associated with CVA, TBI or learning difficulties, in order to assist them to live more independent and satisfying lives.

The following are categories of PC Access Therapy which were addressed during our discussion with Marina –

• Computer Access
• Communication
• Writing and reading support
• Environmental controls

Based on the above categories Marina made reference to certain products and programmes that may be used for each category.

The meeting was well attended and a very interactive discussion took place.  We thank Marina for her very interesting and informative talk.

A TRIBUTE TO MY MOTHER: (By Diane Rademaker)
“Everything in our family seemed so perfect a few years ago.  My mother lived in a lovely cottage in my younger sister’s garden; she had four loving grandchildren and two beautiful great grandchildren.  Then slowly everything began to fall apart for my mother and the family.

My sister was diagnosed with liver cancer two weeks after her fiftieth birthday in 2001.  Two months later my nephew, my brother’s only child, was found dead at the age of 21 and to this day the reason for his death has not been established.  We were frantic as to how my mother would deal with this after the news of my sister’s illness, but she proved to be a pillar of strength.  My sister also proved to be stronger than the doctors had anticipated and she fought for ten months before succumbing to her illness.  My brother-in-law then made plans to sell the house and somewhere had to be found for my mother to move to.  A flat was purchased which would be renovated and was in the area where all her friends were and where she did all her work.  The necessary transfers of properties however, took a lot longer than expected and although we were really worried about her spending a fair amount of time on the old property by herself she would not come and stay with me, because firstly I lived too far from her friends and activities, and secondly she wanted to be where she had lived with my sister for as long as possible.

Then the awful telephone call came on the 21st June 2002 while I was on my way to work.  My mother had been attacked.  The call came from my brother-in-law, who said he didn’t know who to call.  I pulled into a service station parking, absolutely shaking and called 10111.  They said they would send an ambulance immediately and I then faced the peak hour morning traffic to get from Randburg to Germiston.  When I got to the house, the ambulance had already collected her and taken her to Roseacre Clinic and my brother-in-law was at the police station.  I was in a state of shock and seeing the pool of blood on the paving with her dentures lying in it, the blood on the security gate of her flat and on the windows of her car was almost more than I could stand, but somehow I managed to keep calm.  I rushed through to Roseacre Clinic and they were doing a brain scan when I arrived, and we were allowed to see her shortly after.  It was awful to see her like that, her head bandaged, two black eyes and also a bandage on her hand.  She had been hit several times on the head with a brick, had lost the top of her ear and the top joint of her index finger on her right hand was crushed.  She was then transferred to Glynwood Hospital in Benoni because they have the best neurological section on the East Rand,

For the next week it was touch and go while she lay in the ICU and the whole family spent many hours there waiting for improvement.  We got to know other people whose sons had sustained head injuries in motor car accidents on the same night and who also waited for hours on end for news.  She was then transferred to the neurological ward and we then waited to see what the extent of the injury would be.  The injury was to the part of the brain that affected speech and initially, the doctor was of the opinion that she may not even be able to talk again.  She had daily occupational and speech therapy and we would talk to her all the time without being sure that she understood us or even heard us.  One night my husband was holding her hand and said to her that he would like her to be home for his birthday and if she would like that she should squeeze his hand.  She squeezed his hand and that was the first indication that we had that she could hear us and understand us.  She was then transferred to the rehabilitation clinic in Kensington where she spent two weeks and on my husband’s birthday on the 26 July 2002 we took her home and she sat with us at dinner that night together with our friends. 

We found a wonderful speech therapist that came to our house twice a week and slowly she started to recover the ability to pull the words from her mind.  There were many moments of frustration and many moments of laughter as we used to play guessing games as to what she was trying to tell us.  I remember one morning when she looked at my face, which must have been full of puzzlement, because she just laughed and laughed.  Another morning she told my husband he had no imagination, because he could not guess what she was trying to ask for.

Unfortunately, although my domestic was there and was wonderful with my mom, it was too far for her friends to visit often so she was very lonely and finally said that she would like to go into the retirement village in Bedfordview.  We also found another marvelous speech therapist in that area so that she could continue with the therapy. 

It took some months for her to really settle down there and make a few special friends.  However, she now plays bingo once a week, collects the old lady from next door to go to meals and visits some old people in frail care. She still forgets words and names and sometimes hesitates in her speech, but she has come so far in her recovery and never ceases to amaze us.  She has regained her concentration so that she can again read books, which is something that she has enjoyed her whole life.  She loves doing crossword puzzles and has just completed knitting a very complicated Fair Isle jersey.  Her church means a lot to her and whenever possible she attends services on Sundays and the women’s association meetings during the week. 

The person who did this to her was apprehended.  The police stopped him on the night of the 20 June 2002 pushing a lawn mower that was piled with bags down the street.  Inside one of the bags was my niece’s diary and the police realized that the name in the diary and my brother-in-laws name were the same.  He confessed to the crime but was never convicted as he died of AIDS before he went to trial.  He had worked in the garden.  My mother knew him and used to make him lunch when he worked there.  She could not believe that he had done this to her as she said he was “such a nice man”.

When we put the pieces together it seems that she had visited a friend in the afternoon and had gone home at about 4.  This man had broken into the main house and when she came home he attacked her as she entered the gate where her cottage was.  She had then somehow dragged herself to her car, where she had spent the night.  It is said that if this had happened in the summer she would have bled to death and it was the cold that had kept her alive.  It is fortunate that to this day she has no recollection of the attack.  After all this, on the 3 September 2004, her only son unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack at the age of 49.  I thought that this would just be the last straw as at the age of 80, she has now outlived two of her three children and a grandchild, but she continues to show her strength. 

July 2008 – And she has continued to get stronger and stronger.  She walks with a stick and there are times when she battles more with remembering words, names and places, but plays scrabble, rummikub, cards and bingo at the village and even visits the ladies in frail care.  She is now 84 and still very active, but insists that she doesn’t want to live anymore.  I have told her that God obviously still has a purpose for her. Recently a lady at her church had a bad fall and injured her head.  She has told my mom that she was the inspiration to help her to get well again.” 

Thank you Diane for sharing this story with us.  We feel that our members all have inspirational stories to tell which are always of inestimable value to others who may be going through similar trauma.

ANNIVERSARY OF ACCIDENT/ILLNESS:
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.  William Butler Yeats.

Peter Bezuidenhout                              1995                Thomas Varitimos                               2005
Tanya Erwee                                        2001                Gary Purcell                                         2001
Renay Funk                                         1995                Jan Seabi                                             1995
David Germishuys                               1995                John van der Merwe                            2005
Eddie Koch                                          2006                Warren van Straaten                            1992
Debby Lapidos                                                1981

WELCOME NEW MEMBERS:
We welcome the following new members to the Headway fold – Wendy and Russel Rodwell, Leanne and Maureen Adnams, Franz and Ana Bendig, Madelaine and Michaela Marks, Charles and Ushma Jeena, Sacha and Stephne Traub, Peter and Diane Norton and Kenneth and Karen Menzies.

THANKS FOR DONATIONS:
Headway gives special thanks this month to the Patricia and Lionel Welfare Trust for their generous donation of R50 000, Debbie and Jeremy Lea from Airport Media who donate R10 000 every month and VR Dragline who donate R5000 on a regular basis.  We would also like to thank Bowman Gilfillan and CTP for their generous donations.  We thank those kind people who donate on a regular basis via debit order especially David Graham.

A big thank you to Samantha Wagener who donated a box of paper (something we obviously use a lot of) and biscuits.  It was wonderful to see Samantha looking so well and happy.  She is one of our brain injured members and has managed to get her life back on track again after her accident with the help of her family and boyfriend.  She is really an inspiration to us all.

The cost of food is quite astronomical at the moment and if anyone could see their way clear to donating things like long life milk, tea, coffee, sugar, biscuits etc we would be most grateful.  In this regard we would like to thank Deborah and Harold Nowitz for their donation of biscuits and Graham from “Fine Shine” who donates bottle of dishwashing liquid and general cleaner, also very necessary items.

We are in need of a ‘pull-up’ screen for our projector.  If anyone has one of these which they no longer need please let us know.

EEDBACK FROM “THE SOUND OF CHILDREN”:
This event in aid of Headway and Hospice took place on the evenings of 14th and 15th of July and was thoroughly enjoyed by all who attended.  Our grateful thanks go to Graeme Macleod (a Hospice Fundraiser) who put the whole event together, to Richard Cock and the Festival Orchestra and naturally to the choirs of all the schools who took part.  It was evident from the expressions on those young children’s faces that they were having the time of their lives – so wonderful to see!  ABI donated all the cold drinks for the children and we thank them for their support.  I will report back on how much money was raised in a future newsletter.

HEADWAY ART EXHIBITION:
Our Wednesday art group have been very busy of late filling their canvases with bright colours and images in preparation for the art exhibition which will be held on Friday 15th August from 6:30 pm and Saturday 16th August from 9:30 am at our centre in Hyde Park (85 – 1st Road).  We will be exhibiting in conjunction with Colourit Art Studio, which is owned by Hester van den Berg, who is a well known artist and art teacher.  A percentage of the money raised from the sale of paintings will be donated to Headway.  Entrance is free and cheese and wine will be served.  As there will be some beautiful works on display it will be worth your while to come and have a look even if you have no wish to purchase anything.

THE PERFECT MIND:
Why, Why?  I miss you
I have been a victim of my pride
I have been struggling since you left me.
The Perfect Mind.
I’m now lonely without you.

But, because you’re gone
I still can do a little
To impress my inner soul.

I have been trying to bring back
The Perfect Mind.
It’s too late!

Because I now allow myself
To have huge amounts of fun all the time
No matter how difficult or painful
My external reality seems.

I miss you The Perfect Mind.

Written by Victor an attendee at Khomelela in Alexandra.

IT’S A BOY!
Congratulations to John and Jean Buchel on the birth of their grandson Evan John Sheasby.  He was born on the 17th July at 6:10 am weighing 3.8kg.  “God is Gracious”.

CAREGIVERS LOOKING FOR EMPLOYMENT:
Johnny had taken care of Mr. Joseph Nhlanhla (the ex minister of intelligence) for the last 7 years.  Mr. Nhlanhla has now passed away and Johnny is looking for employment.  He is compassionate and has a deep insight into living with a brain injury, as Mr. Nhlanhla suffered a series of strokes and was severely aphasic.  His number is 073 349 8006.  He is relatively young and strong, and would, therefore, be an ideal carer for a young man.

Miranda is a very honest, reliable and capable caregiver who has been associated with Headway for some time.  She can be contacted on 073 456-2386.  For references please contact Hester on 082 441-2460.

THE DURBAN JULY:
There was much excitement at Headway on the Thursday before the running of the Durban July as the Thursday Group and Staff all drew our horses with the help of ex volunteer Clive.  I am happy to report that Sheila and Ushma tied for first place with Pocket Power and Dancers Daughter coming in a ‘dead heat’ for first place.  Bound by Honour came in third place, which was (believe it or not) my horse!  The Fourth place was won by Brent Partridge who drew River Jetes.  Well done to everyone and a big thank you to Clive who supplied the monetary rewards.  It certainly brightened up everyone’s day.

HFC MEETING:
The next meeting of the Headway Friendship Circle will be held on 24th July at our centre in Hyde Park (85 1st Road, Hyde Park) at 6 pm.  This will take the form of a discussion about the various problems that concern brain injured people and their families.  The meetings are run by our new psychologist, Talita Da Costa.  Friends and families are welcome to attend and a light snack will be served after the meeting.  For more information contact Talita on 011-442-5733.
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Thought for the day:  The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer everybody else up.  Mark Twain.

GIRLIE WISDOM

Women over 50 don’t have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills – she has 14 kids but doesn’t really care.

One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, you body and you fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

Amazing!  You hang something your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

Skinny people irritate me!  Especially when they say things like  ‘you know sometimes I forget to eat!’ ... Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.  You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.  Are they kidding?  That’s my idea of a perfect day!