N E W S L E T T E R

September 2008

We wish all our Jewish members a Shana Tova and wish all our Muslim members Eid Mubarak.

I thought that I would start off by congratulating our Paraylmpic team on their wonderful showing at the recent Paralympic games with a special mention of Philippa Johnson who is a brain injured rider.  She was brain injured in a car accident in which both her brother and fiancé were killed.  Philippa was determined to ride again and has really come out on top with her wonderful horse Benedict.  She is a true inspiration to those of us who think that ‘brain injury must be the end of life as we know it’.  With regard to all the medals that were awarded to our competitors, I agree with Derek Watts who said on Carte Blanche that the new name for our team should be “Ama Bling-Bling”!

The following was given to me by Alison Gitelson who is one of our volunteer counsellors and is taken from a Canadian Medical Association Journal published on 15th July 2008.

Guidance for the family, friends and caregivers of patients with brain injuries:
I am a retired nurse who was forced into early retirement due to a brain injury.  I wrote the following during my initial stay in hospital.  Recently, I felt annoyed by the lack of understanding among my friends, family and colleagues and decided that maybe I could speak on behalf of brain injured people.  Hence the following guidelines –

Dear everybody!
This is a plea from your brain injured family member/friend/patient.

Try to accept us the way we are now, he have sustained a major brain injury, be it from a motorbike accident, a brain aneurysm or a bar fight.  Whatever got us here, we are not the same as we used to be (as you will have gathered.)

Please try to understand that we need peace and quiet and calm and routine, routine, routine!

Take us by the hand and show us what we’re supposed to do next, because we don’t know, even if we pretend to.  Guide us gently from one thing to the next, day after day.

Do not give us any information we do not need, because in our injured brains we can’t cope with it!  Anything you say and do, can and will be misconstrued because our brains are already in overdrive and we have a hard time processing our thought, regardless of what powerful or executive positions we held previously.  We may have been in total control of our world and certainly our lives, now we are not and that’s scary enough.  We have to deal with a brain that’s trying to heal as well as deal with everything that crops up.  Sometimes that is an impossible task.  Already our brains are in overdrive.

Also, it is difficult for us to understand why routine tasks that we used to be able to do blindfolded now leave us bewildered.  Any little task is now insurmountable.  We get tired and we don’t always know what we’re supposed to do next.  Try to understand the horror of that!  We used to be in control of everything, now were just lost souls relying on you to guide us.

Please do not yell at us; that will only confuse us more.  Try to be patient even though you are grieving and feel that you’ve lost your family member, or their mind, because things are certainly not the way you remember them or wish they were.

Do not coerce us into moving or leaving our own environment; moving is a major upheaval at the best of times in anybody’s life and it will only confuse us more.

Give us a year or two to try and come to grips with everything and to give our brains a chance to heal.  Be kind and be patient because we are like newborn kids having to learn the ropes again.

Inger Harbom Jones BScN RN – Registered Nurse (retired) Caledon, Ont.

I thought that I would include the following story by one of the founders of Headway, Margie van Straaten as it is Warren’s birthday in September.

A VERY SPECIAL BIRTHDAY HUG by MARGIE VAN STRAATEN:
“Warren had his accident on 2nd July 1992 at approximately 10:30 on a Thursday evening.  It happened like all accidents do, in an instant, and it changed our lives forever.  It is difficult to explain the pain because it is all-encompassing, and difficult to comprehend that your beloved son is in this life-threatening situation where only the bleakest outlook is given. 

Once he had survived the six hour operation to his fractured skull the hospital undertook to keep Warren on the life-sustaining equipment in the ICU only for as long it was not needed by someone whose outcome was more promising than his.  A week later we arrived at ICU to be advised that he had been monitored during the day and as he was breathing on his own he had been moved out of ICU and into a small side ward. 

Seven days later and Warren was once again fighting for his life; pneumonia threatened and the doctors did not believe he would survive the night.  Although he pulled through he had picked up an ICU bug, which took almost 3 months to cure with antibiotics.  He remained in a deep coma, not responding to any stimuli and with his eyes closed for 24 days.  On 26th July he opened his eyes for the first time. However, his eyes did not follow any movement or respond to any sound.  You could only differentiate between him being in or out of a deep sleep.

On 28th July we had Warren transferred to a hospital nearer home. He arrived in an ambulance and was taken to a private room in a lovely setting surrounded by a very caring nursing staff.  We discovered from day one, that although Warren was of obvious medical concern to those who doctored and nursed him, they were actually far more worried about his dad Glynn, and I.

Our distress was obvious to all and we spent every waking second, when not involved with our respective jobs, with him.  However, through all this time nobody actually counselled us, and each step we took was taken purely and simply with our own instinct and love guiding us.

On 30th August, eight and a half weeks after the accident, we saw his eyes follow movement for the first time.  He was propped up in the lazy-boy chair and appeared to be staring in the direction of his brother Craig.  As Craig got up from his chair and moved to the bed Warren’s eyes followed him ever so slightly and we all looked at each other as if to say “did you see it too!!!”  It took another few days for us to realise with certainty that Warren was indeed slowly emerging from his coma.

It was my birthday the following week, and Warren’s 19th birthday a few days after mine.  When I walked into the ward the nursing staff had put up balloons and decorations in Warren’s room.  This touched me deeply as these dedicated ladies had become part of our lives. As if that wasn’t emotional enough,

Glynn had been coaching Warren the whole day and as I walked up to him to say hi, his left arm slowly circled my back to give me a hug.  This was the best birthday present that anyone could have given me.  A week later his trachy was removed and on 29th September he spoke for the first time. Again Glynn had been coaching him and when I walked in after work he said “Hello Mom – I love you”. Very slowly and not that clearly, but I could understand every precious word, the first I had heard from his mouth in 14 weeks.  He was allowed home in early October.

This was just the beginnings of a recovery that is still on-going, done through sheer determination and courageous spirit.  We salute you son.”

Thank you Margie for sharing this beautiful and inspiring story.

The van Straaten family, who have now retired to Knysna, have been involved with the current Headway right from its inception, with Margie playing a vital role on our Governing Body.  Warren attended the activity day on a regular basis and was a very popular attendee with an extremely active and intelligent mind.  He always had a ‘credible’ answer for everything and heaven help anyone who tried to beat him at Scrabble!  Fortunately we have not lost touch as Warren often comes up to visit his brother Craig.  He then manages to spend some time at Headway.  Warren is enjoying life in Knysna and I believe that his favourite pastime is fishing with his dad as well as going to gym and ‘surfing’ the net.

ANNIVERSARY OF ACCIDENT/ILLNESS:
One of the deepest secrets of life is that all that is really worth doing is what we do for others.  Lewis Caroll.

Michael Bales                                    1997                                       Razia Lutchka                                     1989
Richard Brown                                   1996                                       Stuart Cound                                     1990
Cyril Cochrane                                   1997                                       Barry Meijer                                       1998
Francisco Da Costa                           2001                                       Sandile Mndebele                           1999
Andrew Hofmeyr                             1994                                       Bertha More                                      2007
Jeremy Lea                                         1996                                       Alan Wicks                                          1997
Analise Lourens                                2006

WELCOME TO NEW MEMBERS:
We extend a special welcome to the following new members of Headway –
Anel Leach, James and Jimmy Elliott, Paula Santos, Cheryl Dudgeon and Michelle Stoffberg, Solomon Mukwevho , Suzanne Venter and Janine and Michael Ronne.

BABY SHOWER FOR MICHELE:
Those of you who come to Headway regularly will have noticed that Michele our Senior Occupational Therapist has been sporting a ‘bump’ that has been growing increasingly larger by the day.  The baby is due in October (any day now!) and we are also all growing increasingly (excuse the pun!) excited for Michele and her husband Emile.  Parties have always been part of the social scene at Headway so a surprise baby shower was organised by Hester Forte and other volunteers last month.  As usual we were presented with a wonderful variety of eats and it was so nice to sit and chat with everyone and ooh and aah over all the special gifts chosen for Michele.  As Michele and Emile have specifically requested that the sex of the baby be a secret (for them as well as for us) we will let you know in the next newsletter whether pink or blue is the order of the day.  Michele is taking maternity leave until Headway starts again in January and we wish her well with the remainder of her pregnancy, and the birth of the baby. We look forward to hearing the good news shortly.  WATCH THIS SPACE!
THANKS FOR DONATIONS:
Never a month goes by without the surprise of a donation of some sort, whether it be in cash or in kind.  This month we had wonderful donations from Charles Turner of Newfound Capital and Ros Boyd of the McCrone Trust in the UK.  We are also grateful to receive the monthly generous monetary donations from VR Dragline and Airport Media.  These two are thanks to John Van Reenen (Dragline) and Debbie Lea (Airport Media) and are used specifically for Khomelela (our outreach programme in Alex).  Thank you to Greg and Valerie Nerf for their donation of a desk as well as crockery and cutlery which will come in very useful at Khomelela.

We thank Pat Jewell for a donation from the proceeds of a book that she has written on losing weight.  This was thanks to our patron Gareth Cliff who interviewed her on his morning show. 

Our big needs at the moment are as usual groceries, (coffee, tea, biscuits etc) as well as photocopy paper.

GOLF DAY AT MONUMENT NEWS CAFE:
The Monument News Café in Krugersdorp held their first Golf Day on 25th September in aid of Headway, and we thank the Monument News Cafe Team (Jarrod, Brenda and Karin) for all their hard work in arranging this very successful tournament.  We also thank Gareth Cliff who was the MC of the evening for promoting Headway at every available opportunity.   We will let you know in another newsletter exactly how much was raised at this tournament.

SYMPOSIUM AT SANDTON SHUL:
Gareth Cliff has been extremely busy promoting our cause.  He was the moderator at the ‘Symposium on Image’ which was held at the Sandon Shul where he donated his appearance fee to Headway.  Feedback from the Headway staff who attended the symposium was that it was extremely interesting and challenging and once again we thank Gareth for furthering our cause in so many different situations.

RAFFLE TICKETS FOR SALE:
By now everyone must know that the Nomads have taken us on as their charity of choice this year and are raising money to buy us a wheelchair friendly bus for Khomelela.  A charity race day is being held on 11th October at Turffontein Race Course in aid of Headway, and we are selling raffle tickets which will drawn on that day.  The tickets are only R10 each and the first price is a week’s stay at the Arabella Golf and Country Estate for 6 people valued at R30 000.  The second prize is two return tickets to London.  These are fabulous prizes which could be yours for an outlay of only R10.  Come on everyone test your luck!  Please enquire at the Headway office or phone me (Ann Coe) on (011)442-5733 and I will reserve you some tickets.

WHEELCHAIR FOR SALE:
Mrs Kerwin is still trying to sell her small, lightweight, brand new wheelchair.  The price is negotiable.  Please phone her on 072 445 0248 for more information.

MEMBERSHIP FEES:
This is the last chance to renew your membership!  Quite a few people have not renewed and as from next month they will not be receiving any mailings or telephone counselling.  However, we respect the fact that many of you have moved on with your lives and really do not require our services in longer.  We have received quite a few electronic payments with no references so if you are taken off the mailing list and have in fact paid please let us know in order to be re instated.  Also if you have a financial problem please contact Headway and we will be only too willing to assist by making you an honorary member.

NEXT MEETING:
The next meeting of the Headway Friendship Circle will be held on 2nd October at 6pm at the Headway Centre, 85 1st Road, Hyde Park.  The guest speaker will be psychiatrist, Dr Mayaven Naidoo.  I was privileged to sit in on a meeting after the AGM on 18th September, and found it very beneficial even though I am now ‘15 years down the track’ after my daughter’s injury.  The discussion meetings (ie when there is no guest speaker) are usually split into two groups (ie injured members in one room and family members in another).  This gives everyone an opportunity to let their feelings out without fear of hurting anyone.  Both the groups are facilitated by psychologists as Talita has now got a friend to help her run the group.  Pizzas are served after the meeting and this informal time helps to cement friendships and enables members to discuss mutual problems.  Phone Talita on (011)442-5733 for more information.

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Thought for the Day:
Our creator would never have made such lovely days, and have given us the deep hearts to enjoy them, above and beyond all thought, unless we were meant to be immortal. – Nathaniel Hawthorne.

MARRIAGE:
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.  David Bissonette  
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry 
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.  Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?  Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.  Anonymous
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Sam Kinison
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.  James Holt McGavran
I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.  Patrick Murray
 Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.  Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.  Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.  Henny Youngman
 My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.  Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.  Anonymous
 A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'  Anonymous
 First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'